Everything is happening exactly the way it's supposed to....:) :)

Ya ever feel like everything is happening exactly the way it's supposed to, even though it looks like it isn't going well? Yeah...well that is how I feel right now. I can't explain it, it is just this peaceful joyful feeling inside me. It is the peace of God that rests with me knowing all the ugly things people try to say, do, or think about me are only gonna come back onto them. The best part is something inside me (the Holy Spirit) just laughs and carries me on my happy way, paying no mind to that darkness. Jesus came into the world and died for us so we may have life, and live it to the fullest. He said we are the salt of the earth, the lightness in the darkness. So it only makes sense that we will stand out and shine in our own way through Jesus. Those who hate that don't know HIM!!!! It is my mission to show the world Jesus's love through the small ways He gifts me to do. The fact I have opposition only means I am doing my job. I feel like I have only gotten HAPPIER through my trials, and that is what I am awed about! God is awesome,and I will never be ashamed to admit that. If only more people would stop caring about what other people thought about them and be that bold shiny witness, then more of the people who are lost and searching would be able to find the truth. My prayer is that those who oppose me now eventually see the kind, merciful heart of God and the light overtakes their lives as well! I thank God for this test and his promise of working all things for the good to those called according to His purpose!!!! :) :) :) :)

Encouragement to keep going...... :)

Ever feel like once you get yourself on the right track, and you are feeling good about yourself and motivated to be better, do better, live better.........that others seem to look at you different, like "who does she think she is...miss I am all that...i think.i am better than others...". Maybe its just me, but every time I get to a good place in my life, that seems to happen to me. Then I have the tendency to start to try to care less, dumb myself down, lower my standards, give in to peer pressure, just to please others so I will fit in and not be talked shit about. I have done this my whole life.....girls are very cruel. They always like to gossip and criticize about each other. If you don't dress like them, talk like them, shop like them...etc....YOU will be the one they single out. For that reason, most girls never really just be themselves, they are always trying to live up to that clicks  standard.  This has bothered me my whole life, but I have finally came to a place in where I am honored to not fit in. I am comfortable enough and confident enough now FINALLY to understand it is not an insult to not fit in. It just means I am authentic to who I really am, and God has made me stronger. I will never be a follower, even if it means I walk alone. It can be lonely and really hurt at times, but then I remember how even Jesus got mocked and people were two faced to him. It just comes with living your true purpose, whatever it is. I have some great girlfriends, just having one of those reflective moments. The main thing I want to convey is that it is okay to do your own thing. It is ok to strive to always be better and do better. If anybody has a problem with it, that just means you are on the right path! So stay bold in yourself and don't ever let the world make you lose you drive to do good or your smile. There are MANY people happy to be complacent, but a rare few who have the will to be the best they can be! I have a LONG LONG LONG  way to go LOL, but I chose that path. Hope it inspires anybody else who struggles with this as well. SMILE....HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH, and humble your heart. Great things will happen then! :)  Just had to write this to help encourage myself to stay on the positive path, and anyone else who may need this.

Self Acceptance......Be YOU!

When I was little, I was a happy, quiet, shy, reserved little girl. I would even describe myself as painfully shy and awkward. I was always content to just play in my room by myself and make my own fun. I was a daydreamer, could sit for HOURS just daydreaming. As I grew older, I hated this tendency and did everything I could to MAKE myself an extrovert. I wanted to be that popular girl who had tons of friends and confidence. As I have gotten older and experienced more and accomplished more things I was afraid to do, my confidence level grew. The person I WANTED to be I became. Ironically, the more I became the person I created myself to be, the more empty I felt deep down inside. Then all my life trials hit me.....I mean hit me! The last 10 years of my life all the things i went through helped bring me back to my TRUE SELF, not the self I created. God showed me that HE created me EXACTLY the way HE wanted me to be. I was never going to find my purpose and place of true blessing until I came to accept myself as He created me to be. Flaws and all. He makes no mistakes. I am his masterpiece beautifully sculpted. The people who are MEANT to love me and be in my life, will see me as He created me to be. Those who are not meant to be in my life, will not "UNDERSTAND" me and  see me in that light. Until I learned to love myself though (introvert sometimes and extrovert at others), those meant to love me could not see it, cuz I couldn't even see it. So now that I see myself the way God sees me, I feel like the door is now FINALLY open for His true lasting blessings to come my way. I feel like this may be for someone else struggling to find peace with themselves........remember, you are NOT a mistake. You are beautiful just the way you are. The heart that is meant to love you will love you just as YOU ARE, without having to change anything about yourself. Nobody is perfect, we are all human. But the person who is perfect for you, will see you that way. Keep being you....the real you. You are God's masterpiece.....:)

running from who I am and my calling.....

Sitting here reflecting on my walk in life and where I am at now versus where i have been. What I have realized is how from a very young age, I was always a very caring, compasssionate, sensitive, good hearted kid. I was always the girl who would stick up for the kid with down syndrom others were picking on, or befriend the person others intentionally excluded. I always had a heart for the underdogs, those who got picked on or bullied, and anyone hurting. At 6 years old I remember even finding a fly half dead in the snow outside and bringing it inside and putting it in a box on top of kleenex to nurse it back to health....that is no lie! Lol.....anyways, as I got older, I started to realize it wasn't "cool" to be so nice. I had huge self esteem issues and just wanted to be accepted and fit in as most young teens do. I maintained my innocence throughout high school for the most part. But when i went to college I went through an ultra rebellious stage......not rebelling against my parents, as they were very supportive and open,.but rebelling against my "goody wholesome" self.....the goody good nerd I thought i was.

I accepted Jesus into my heart around age 7 or so, and always prayed and believed in God since i was a toddler. But peer pressure and my own selfish desires and curiosities led me to run from God and live for myself. I was the fun party girl everyone loved, that lived only for fun and adventure. That was the most exciting and happy time in my life because I did what I wanted, had a ton of friends, and traveled all over on new adventures. I thrived in the world but something deep in me felt convicted and no peace. The devil let me go on this way believing I was happy and encouraging my party ways. UNTIL......I believe God stepped in out of love for me. I got 2 DUI's and went to jail for 7 days....that was a pivotol START for change in my life. But I surrounded myself around others who lived that same lifestyle and couldn't break away from it. I wasn't ready. Then I had a horrible breakup from an almost 5 year relationship that sent me at a low. That is when I really turned to God cuz i really had no one anymore. My other good friends were now happily married having babies, and here I was with 2 DUI'S, no car, no license, no money, no boyfriend, and barely any friends left. SO I really started the soul searching at that point, and got real with God. I prayed and God sent me my next boyfriend I reconnected with from college and it seemed like finally, God answered my prayers and blessed me with a good guy. I moved to Phoenix after talking about it with my guy, and was like thank you Lord, I have wanted to move there anyway, and now I have a reason! So I took a huge leap of faith and packed up my car after recieving a job in Az, and moved here no looking back! Things were amazing! I was the happiest I had ever been and very much in love. Eventually, after 2 years, my boyfriend whom i 100% thought was the man I would marry someday, came home one night and shockingly ended the relationship and moved out. I was blindsided and devestated once again. Well, a year and a half later, I have finally realized the reason nothing ever worked out is because I was still living just for my man, not god. We lived that selfish happy life of partying and funtimes still even at age 35. I was growing closer to God here and praying more and reading the word. Ironically, some of our only fights we ever had were centered around the fact that he questioned my beliefs in Jesus and the bible being Gods word of truth. We just couldn't see eye to eye on it, and I was compromising by letting my love for him be greater than my love for God. I truly believe that is why God let us breakup. He was protecting me from slipping back away from Him, so He allowed it to end. I couldn't see that at the time. At the time I was devestated. I was truly alone. He moved out quickly, took all his stuff, including alot of stuff and I was broke, could not afford rent, inbetween jobs, and heartbroken. Lowest point in my life. But best thing that ever happened to me.

It made me rely on God 100% for everything. I got a new job I loved, met some new friends, and started my journey of 100% total surrendering of my life to Jesus. I not only lost my love, I lost most of my friends I knew through him and his loving supportive family that took me in as their own. Well, many more trials happened since then financially, physically, relationshipwise, and even deaths. Lots and lots of trials. I feel like the devil was like YES! I enticed her in the good life, just to show her I can destroy her.......BUT.....little does he know that God had mercy and grace on me, and is using it all for my good, because He called me for a purpose. These hardships have CHANGED my rebellious heart back to that gentle, caring, loving soul He created me to be. I am transitioning into that godly woman He called me to be. The same person I was when i was 7 and innocent. Only now i have experience and discernment, so I am not nieve to the devil and the wordly lusts that once enticed me, and still try to. Now I realize I I have been running away from my real self my whole life, only to come back to that little girl. The devil tried his hardest to destroy me and lead me away from my purpose, but God has used all that to make me a better version of myself. The world and everything in it, including the people I loved, abandoned me. But God, God has never abandoned me! So no more running away from who God created me to be, instead I join forces with Him, His Holy Spirit, and His only son Jesus. Together, we can do anthing! What an empowering thing that is! It doesn't matter what anyone thinks about me now, only God. Because He is who I am living for now. I embrace myself and the gifts he has instilled in me, and will not compare myself to others or what they want me to be anymore. Watch out world......the darkness in me  has been turned on by the light!!! I can't wait to see how God is gonna use me to bring glory to His son Jesus. Stay tuned.......!!!

Becoming stronger and fearless........:)

Wow....well, the more I have retreated to being alone with just God, the more ugly things came out of me that I needed to purge out. It made me feel like...geez, if I feel like this I must not be that close to God and on the right spiritual path. But what I can already feel in my spirit is a weight lifting off of me. A weight of all the people, things, places, circumstances that were hindering me from moving forward into my next level in life. This time in my life and ugly process was necessary for me to continue putting off my old self and putting on my new self. It doesn't just happen overnight. The greatest insight I have just recieved is how much STRONGER and FEARLESS I am becoming!! It is still a work in progress, but I can actually FEEL God's strength supernaturally increasing mine! Also, God has showed me who is there in my life to strengthen me, and who depletes my energy. Painful process, but very enlightening at the same time. People have surprised me. Good and bad. Struggle ALWAYS ends up revealing truths that need to come out. My job is to just stay in faith and keep relying and speaking Gods promises over my life. I believe me going through this emotional time is so I will be able to help others in need when they may need a word of encouragement or faith. Sooooooo.........devil.......the more you keep attacking me, the STRONGER AND MORE EQUIPPED SOLDIER OF GOD I am becoming.......THANKS BE TO JESUS who already defeated you at the cross. NOTHING will keep me down....ever!!!! Hope this gives somebody else a lift of faith needed in your own life! I FEEL SO BLESSED AND STRONGER THAN EVER!!! I am more than a conquerer through Christ Jesus who strengthens me! :) :) :)

momentary seclusion.....will be back!

Waiting to get my haircut, sitting here thinking how many times God has washed all my sins away and keeps molding me more and more into who He called me to be. I never realized how much power and control the world and everything in it, has over me. I always thought since I am kind of a non-conformist that I am my own person. Boy was I wrong! Realizing I still care too much what everybody thinks and says about me. Once i let that go fully, I know I will be well on my way into my true destiny. So I am taking a short break from social media and other things, to spend time alone with God in prayer and the word to clear me of all the negative influence I have in me from many different things, including my own self. Renewing my mind with what Gods word says about me, my calling, my purpose, and my future. Once I get some "bugs" cleared out....I WILL BE BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER....READY TO LIVE AGAIN!! So how ever short or long that takes, that is my focus now. Prayers, hugs, and blessings to everyone who reads this!