footprints in the sand.....a real moment

Questioning if there is something wrong with me....just don't understand why I am so different than everyone else my age. Based on "society's" rating, I seem to be a failure in all categories...financially, relationships, marriage, and children. O for 4 there.....37 years old and counting. Good thing I could give a rats ass about societys standards, but seriously.....I have alot to give and just seem to not be getting in return. I have my faith, and that will never die, but having one of those HONEST moments of self examination. I am a self confident person now, but life has me questioning myself. I have a heart of gold, and am alone. Those who selfishly used me are happy in love. Where is the justice in that? Although I prayed for them to be blessed I didn't really believe God would do it so fast.......while I keep getting dumped on! Just being REAL....having a real moment with God right now. I keep saying and believing these tests are just making my faith and me stronger, but at the moment feel weak. Guess this is when i need prayers the most. When i am weak, He is strong. Still through all this soul searching, I truly believe and know God loves me and has a purpose for all of this. So with that being said, gonna separate myself even more from the world for a bit, to seek Gods Word out and His will so He can turn these ugly feelings around. I pray for anyone else going through a similar struggle, that God may give you peace, blessings, and clarity too. I wasn't going to share this because of the negative tone of it, as I always want to be positive and inspiring . But I also believe in being my real authentic self, and putting it out there so anyone who struggles with these same emotions or dilemas can see even though I have faith and believe God has a good plan for my life, it still at times can be a daily struggle with my old fleshly thoughts and beliefs I had about myself not being good enough. But I am renewing my mind daily with Gods word to help me from thinking these old self defeating thoughts. The devil is loving me questioning myself like this, cuz he wants me to stay down so I won't rise up and be that NEW ME God has formed. I am like that piece of coal with pressure on it from all sides......all I have to do is stand firm, and soon enough I will shine like the diamond God is creating me to be. Just wanted to share this ugly side of me so anyone else going through hard times can relate, and NOT give up either!! This too, shall pass, and I will look back and be glad i went through all this seeing Jesus was carrying me through it all, just like that footprints in the sand poem.....